The Stars Have Aligned

My horoscope today:

LIBRA
September 22-October 22
Sometimes the best marriages are marriages of the mind. That’s great as long as you’re sure you and a certain someone are on the same page.

What exactly does this mean?

After pondering it for a bit, I came up with two possible scenarios:

A. You are a hapless Libra in a somewhat-committed relationship with someone who has vowed not only to avenge the death of his father at the hands of a six-fingered man, but also to never endorse that vile institution known as marriage. Hapless Libra knew of this sacred vow and has always claimed to be "fine with that" while everyone knows that hapless Libra secretly (1) swoons at the merest glimpse of a Tiffany-blue box, (2) watches and tears up uncontrollably at the finales of The Bachelor and/or Bachelorette - so profoundly moved by the incredibly sincere, profound and unscripted pronouncements of love which clearly will last forever and ever and ever, and (3) believes in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, that the money she spent on the Elvis, Tupac and Biggie "Fuck Death" reunion tour tickets will be well spent, and, of course (most importantly) that she can change him. But that's okay - she doesn't need the formality of a "piece of paper" and the expense of a "big ol' white wedding" - they are married in spirit and that's good enough. I mean everyone knows that weddings are just excuses to accumulate mass amounts of kitchen and flatware, right???

B. You are lonely Libra. Lonely Libra has a kind, loving and beautiful relationship with an exceptionally handsome, kind, charming, considerate, intelligent, witty, sensitive and gregarious man. He just doesn't know it. Maybe she knows him - a friend, a colleague, an acqaintance - or maybe she doesn't - a ballplayer, a movie star, a Starbucks barista. But that's okay, because in lonely Libra's mind, they are married, blissfully happy, with a white picket fence and two car garage (probably the only way to afford such a thing around here anyway), an extensive vacationing schedule, and, of course, vast amounts of flatware.

I suppose that (B) would be the scenario applying to me. I was excited at the prospect that within an instant, I could take control of my whole marital status dilemma and just make it happen. Was a little disappointed by having to make due with imaginary flatware (as I figured people might not take kindly to my registering for my imaginary wedding/marriage - if only b/c it is so last minute, there is no time to send out invitations, and the catering will inevitably be unsatisfying), but remained unfazed. Then I came upon the really tricky part - a groom! Now see, the beauty of this "marriage of the mind" thing was that this was supposed to be the easy part. Could have my pick of anyone - anyone - and what are they going to say "no"? (1) They wouldn't actually have to be asked, and (2) everyone knows you don't say "no" to a delusional woman, at least not without backing away, very slowly, first. But I got tripped up on this anyone thing because I can't think of a single person. Not one. Not even maybe.

For the first time in my life, I do not pine for anyone. At all. Not with any real sentiment at least. There are the passing comments on the beauty of hollywood hunk #723 and random guy walking down the street #9243, but beyond that... eh, not so much.

Is this a good thing?

Maybe. I guess this makes me truly mentally, as well as physically single. So that's a plus. I think.

But I have some concern about being so devoid of feeling. Love is intoxicating. Infatuation also an upper, in its own way. Misery, rejection and loneliness: painful, not pleasant - but feeling nonetheless. Always a grain of hope buried in their midst. He could change his mind. I know, I know - he won't. But you can still console yourself with the possibility that he will and that you get to continue to ride the ride - peaks, valleys, dips and troughs, zeniths and nadirs, alike.

For now, am stuck waiting in line, I guess.

Numb. Weird.