Defying Logic

If there is one thing that has been true in my life up until now it is that despite any protestations to the contrary, logic has little, if nothing, to do with anything I have ever done.

If someone refuses to be seen with me in public, I should reject them out of hand. If they refuse to follow through on promises, I should curse their name. If they only make contact when convenient (and typically at odd hours), I should disavow any knowledge of them. And yet, because I am a weak girl, I do none of these things.

The positive, I suppose, is that, out of sheer annoyance, I am writing about this now. (The annoyance being the positive part.) Of all people, I do not understand why this particular person is jerking me around. Then again, I do: Because I let him. I taught him to treat me this way -- not particularly badly or shabbily, but simply with very little fondness or regard (well, at least when we are not actually in the same room together -- and, also, I suppose, when we are fully clothed).

I did not think I was emotionally hung up. And, actually, even now, I don't think I am. Should someone else cross my path, I would not hesitate to be open to other possibilities. I guess I realize, however, that if this particular person were open to actually having a relationship with me, I would be open to having a relationship with him. However, he is apparently not open to such things, and it vexes me as I cannot understand why.

I think that this is life working itself out in the right ways again though. If he gave me even slightly more, I would get more involved, and that would not be good for me as I do not think , in the end, that he is capable of giving me what I need.

Till then, I need to stop responding the the half-way entreaties. Easier said than done.