Day 11 of the life of leisure I have longed for four and a half years. Day 11 of that most magical of phrases: "unstructured time." Day 11 of freedom from the oppression that was my job.
And the truth is, in so many ways, I miss it.
Stockholm syndrome? A flat out refusal to be happy? Complete insanity? Perhaps all three.
Truth of the matter is that, here, on Day 11, I am incredibly lonely. Searingly so. And I am hard pressed to find anything that comforts me.
I have various obligations during that day, which I can and should take care of, but what little I do is merely moving through the motions. I feel tremendously boring. I should be off on some exciting european vacation, or I should be indulging wholeheartedly in a leisurely bohemian lifestyle of a woman around town living for the moment and doing whatever she wants whenever the mood strikes and loving it. But I am just boring, and alone.
Summer vacation when everyone else is working is not all that it is cut out to be. In truth, I would like to travel a bit, but I have no desire to do so alone.
I am lost. I fear the need to start working again in order to "find myself" again, and exactly what such a thing implies about me and who I am.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment