Double, Double; Toil & Trouble

Is it worrisome that I think I am starting to feel antsy because Tom Cruise hasn't done anything abjectly "NFW!"-insane in the last week? Or perhaps it is more worrisome that everyone else has picked up the slack in filling the crazy/creating signs that the apocalypse is clearly coming in Tom's conspicuous absence:

• Katie Holmes' disturbing imitation of a fembot.
• Colin Powell's deciding to turn in the bronze stars and well tailored suits for dockers, a blue button down, and a Blackberry (firmly attached to his belt).
• A-Rod making the contextually ridiculous pronouncement, "I want to say it out loud: I am Dominican." Funny, I though he was a weenie. And certain handmovements of his in last years ALCS might have led one to believe he was an asian martial arts expert. Either way, I bet he can't make any of these out loud pronouncements in spanish. A-Rod eres un salchicha!
• Billy Beane's "Ah-ha!" moment as to how to solve his problem with an embarassment of riches in terms of talented outfielders which has culminated in certain outfielders being unhappy at not getting enough playing time, is to trade away the outfielder not happy at not getting enough playing time, for... another outfielder not happy at getting enough playing time. Oh, the plan is just so clear now. Obviously, he is now just trying to do everything he can to infuriate Joe Morgan and make his head implode on itself, through continued success despite ever-more ridiculous moves. Which, conceivably, may actually be well worth the emotional pain inflicted by this roller-coaster of roster moves.

The only person making any sense these days is Rob Thomas:

He says, "If I were gay, Tom wouldn't be on the top of my list...It would be BRAD PITT."

"I'm more offended by the rumors saying I'm Scientologist."

Back, back, back, back...gone!