I should be doing work. That is a feeling I want to shake.

I want to be in love. That is a feeling I want to have.

Between ridding myself of the first feeling, and surrendering myself wholly and without reservation to the depths of the second, therein lies the answer to having it all.

"All" (as defined in my universe): A warm, safe, beautiful corner of the world where, regardless of what flurries of chaos go on around me or where I may happen to be, I carry with me the indellible feeling that I am always "home."

Simple needs. Considerate gestures. A cup of hot cocoa. A back rub. A well timed call. A "seeing you lights me up inside" smile - no matter how early or late in the day it might be. Bliss. Beaming. Proud. Support. Luckyducky.

This is what I want. This is what I need. Having waited so long, this is what I deserve. Even if I am not perfect, I deserve the - falling down, mad with passion, can't get over the fact that in the roar and bustle of the crowd I found you, pink-purple-green-blue-red-orange-with stars, stripes, spangles and glitter, laughing till my belly aches and/or milk comes out of my nose, split your Red Rope with me at the ball game, remember the kooky story I told you but laugh every time I happen to retell it, listen instead of waiting-to-talk, going to Starbucks even though you don't like it because I have an insurmountable chai tea latte problem, share - not stuff - but share you, curl up in bed on a Sunday reading the NYTimes together after being out dancing on tables the night before, hold my hair when I am sick, adore my crazy, recite "Field of Dreams" verbatim, hate mayonnaise, celebrate random days, tell the world and anyone who will listen (and even those who won't), do not just surrender but give your heart wholly and freely - kind of love.

Soon....please.